Tuesday, July 26, 2016

POEM: A Brief Report on Your Child's Progress at School

Újpest, Brunovszky Vendéglő. Source: Fortepan/Péter Gábor.
Licensed by Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported.

A Brief Report on your Child’s Progress at School
[Firstname] threw up on [hisher] prison dinner tray
Because [SheHe] had been drinking whiskey
That was later discovered in the alley above the tennis courts;
A urine test for marijuana was given but was negative.
And if [SheHe] is discovered smoking in the dorm a
Third time [SheHe] will be suspended for a week.
Parents will have to bear the expense of a
Trip down and up the mountain and
Roundtrip airfare Madurai-Mumbai.
[SheHe] shows little respect for the property of others
Especially religious materials and is
Rumoured to have burned a blue jeans Bible in [hisher] stove.
[SheHe] has actively engaged in Eve Teasing in Hindi in numerous classes and
We have zero tolerance for that kind of love.
[SheHe] has been diagnosed with hyperactivity and attention deficit disorder and
[hisher] daily dose of Ritalin has been tripled
Resulting in a significant decrease of daily incidents.
[SheHe] with friends takes a taxi daily around the lake
Where [SheHe] smokes along a quiet country lane;
We have infiltrated this group and an investigation is pending.
[SheHe] was suspiciously the first to report a used
Condom thrown on the roof of the piano block—
The envious eyes of the science teachers bled tears.
We admire [Firstname]’s leadership skills and feel
Certain that if only [SheHe] would study
[SheHe] would maintain scholastic probation.
It is a pleasure having [Firstname] as a student in our school.

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Cigarette at the ready
Cigarette at the ready. Photograph by Susan Sermoneta. Licensed by CC BY-NC-SA 2.0.